Back to Consciousness

I'm ashamed to be back at square one.
Ashamed of betraying myself.
A resolve broken piecing the integrity.
So boastful was I to have quit.
Who is to be blamed if not an ignorant self?
The self of which the resolve was born and
Soon to be shattered for no reason credible
Than the ignorance that sprouted through
The cracks that life left on the hardened
Mind in its boastful self-lost ignorance
Nothing was lost in fact there was more
To be gained in the progressive excellence.
The heavens of freedom opened up and
There I saw me slipping off the edges
Consciously helpless through the clouds of
Arrogant self denial screaming with
Pain that was wrought into every cell
Out of thoughts that never helped me
Elevate the gravity of a grounding
Evil pilgrimage on the rocky terrain beneath
Cracking more skin oozing of desires
Spilling gruesome seeds of pesty
Weeds of anti-wisdom leaving behind
A rough unconscious dead self - walking
Amidst ignorant smoke and dirty pleasures
That kill not just purity but the stealthy
Character of pure consciousness that descended
On a lucky note out of penance so revered
Over the path I took out of free will
And natural potency to reach the omnipotence
That surfaces the soul when the consciousness
Is highest among the human lot where
I met the fluidal states of etheric
Effervescence emanating from gulps of
Poison that hurts every cell and much beneath
God and Life still give me hope to
Ascend the path that I left behind
For, the journey still continues and the path
Has a map mentally plot of which this
Is just a tiny step insignificant leveling
Sub-atomic proportions in front of the infallible
Power potent within not just the faint
Hearted but deep in the deepest cores of
Hope paired prettily with confidence looking
Upon to the day of reckoning to all miseries.

(oupouring on a night when I decided to quit again)